i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
