I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
