the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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