But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
