The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
