Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
