We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
