Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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