Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
