I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
