please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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