I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
