Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
