Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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