Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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