So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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