ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
im having a threesome with these popsicles
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
