How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
