GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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