the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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