I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
