Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
