Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
