just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Help. Why am I so naked?
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