you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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