So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I need moral support for this bender
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
