when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
