he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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