just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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