Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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