we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
