It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
