Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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