We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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