I wanna bring you to show and tell
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
whose parrot is this?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
