Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize