If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
