im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
