some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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