even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Boobs are out for the taking
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
