I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Are we still banned from the library?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
