he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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