I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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