He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
God, you're like boner-b-gone
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
