Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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