I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
