well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
