these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
