So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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