I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
