The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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