pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
