You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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