you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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