fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
