U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize