no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
