For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
