porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
