And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize