oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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