I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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