My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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