I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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