After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
BRING THE BAGELS
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
