we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
