Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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