I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
