i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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