just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
