you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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