Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
