you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
